Illogical Joy From God Alone

Today was spent at a children’s prison – yes, a prison for kids.  An emotional roller coaster to say the least.

After a delicious breakfast at our hotel, our team was taken on an unforgettable and very humbling journey.

The first building that we visited was solitary confinement.  Children are put in a room with concrete floors, no bed, no blankets, no bathroom, no water, and minimal food.  They are locked in a room for two weeks, with the intention of breaking their spirits.  Fingers poked out of the grate at the top of a door as we walked past.  As I reached up and held this boy’s hand, I was overwhelmed at the horrible conditions this poor boy must endure.  Please God, you put the lonely in families.  Please give this boy joy.  Show him your love, and help him to no longer feel the pain of what he must face each day.

My team was next given a tour of the bunkhouse for the children.  Bunk beds fill the room; many without mosquito nets, the rest with gaping holes all over.  No child is safe.

Due to mass overflow, half of the children don’t even have legitimate beds.  A pile in the corner contains thin, spongy mattresses that they can pull down to sleep on at night.  All, of course, are torn; holes in places where sponge material used to be.

The final room of our tour was the home of the innocent children at the prison.  They were brought in from off the streets, all with their own story of how they came to be here.  The conditions of these blameless children seem to me much worse than that of the prisoners.  The children in this room do not come out.  A pile of torn mattresses lies in the corner, as did the other room, but there are no bunks, no mosquito nets.  A brick structure takes up another corner; so I’m told, they go to the bathroom back there.  The children are locked in this room; their only possessions are the clothes that were on their backs when they were taken in.

We spent the morning with these children, praising God for his mercy and forgiveness.  At one point, a few children raised their hands with questions… one asked for a pair of shorts… one asked for a Bible… one asked for us to pray over them.  Hearts were heavy.  God was ever-present.  These children have so much to be frustrated about.  They have almost nothing, but they still praise the Lord.  They don’t take anything out on God; but rather see Him as merciful and forgiving, thanking Him with hands lifted high.

Next, our team pulled out all of our donations.  A system was made to cycle the kids throughout the room, giving each a T-shirt, flip flops, a granola bar, a sucker, and a bracelet.  The smiles on those faces were as bright as the sun.

Our final few hours at the prison were spent just hanging out with the kids.  Many know quite a bit of English, and it was truly amazing to hear the stories of what they’ve gone through and where their faith lies.

I made friends, laughed, cried, was horrified, and saw things that will change my perspective on life forever.

God, thank you for these children.  Thank you for bringing them to you and giving them joy despite their circumstances.  I don’t know why you have them there, but you have certainly used their desolation to bring them to a place of passionately loving you.

Be with them tonight, and forevermore.  Continue to draw them close to you.  Help them to see that nothing brings peace and happiness like the love you freely give.  Give them a hope and a future.  Keep their dreams big, their hearts soft, and their smiles wide.

I love you, Jesus.  Thank you for your mercy and forgiveness and the joy that you bring. <3

Loving a Child

Well… I made it!  After over 24 hours of travel on those oh-so-comfortable plane seats (note HEAVY sarcasm), I am here in Uganda.  The past two days have been exhausting, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  Yesterday was hard.  Being so tired and achy, it was hard to see the beauty that God was building up towards.  God, thank you for giving me 2 Corinthians 12:9 last night.  Your power is made perfect in my weakness.  I despise being weak, but to know that You will use my weaknesses for your glory, makes things a lot better.  God, continue to bring me peace.  It hurts to think of not seeing my family again for three months, but I know that you can ease that pain.  Remind me that you are there; that you are the best parent ever.  Help me to see these fellow Christians as family, my family in You.  Use this time to build up my strength in You, as well as build up my personal independence level.

~~~~~~~~~

Today was AHH-MAZINGGG!  Ohmygoodness, God, thank you for today.

Today was beautiful.  A beautiful Sunday spent at Return Ministries International.  Our team started out the day with a church service like I’ve never seen.  Worship here in Uganda is such a beautiful thing.  There’s so much passion and joy in their singing, something that is not always so common in the typical American church.  Pastor Samuel preached from Psalm 68:5-6:

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.  God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

 Pastor Samuel talked about how orphans are not only those who are fatherless; those without God as their Father are also orphans.  He talked about the disintegration of families through “men wanting to be women, and women wanting to be men.”  He talked about the importance of family; how family and a relationship with God go hand-in-hand, and without God, and a father who gives glory to God, families fall apart.

After the service, we had time to play with the kids.  There are 15ish kids that live there at Return, but children from all of the community come to Return’s daily activities and programs.  These children are more desperate for love than any I have ever seen.  They come up to you and hold their arms up, asking you to hold them.  They give you hugs and kisses and cling to you from all sides.  After a while of greetings, I pulled out my nail polish and was quickly mobbed by several dozen kids, girls and boys, all wanting the attention and color of a fresh coat of pink paint.

Next was lunch.  Pastor Samuel asked us to serve the children their food, and we quickly got to work.  Workers stood at the front, behind huge vats of rice and beans.  We stood in line to receive plates, which we then passed out to the children.

After seeing the conditions in which the food was being served, truthfully, I wasn’t too crazy about our turn to get our plates.  However, that food was amazing.  Best plate of rice and beans ever. J

The last few hours of the day were spent singing and dancing with the kids.  First, they performed for us; singing, dancing, and playing the bongos.  It was beautiful.  Afterwards, they called us up to dance with them.  We sang and danced and even taught the kids a couple songs.

Leaving was a heart wrenching experience.  The kids all wanted hugs and pictures.  Olivia, a girl that was clung to my hip most of the time, was sad to see me go… I gave her a picture of me I had in my bag to remember me by.

Children chased our bus down the road for a good half mile, waving and yelling “BYE!” the whole way.  People waved to us on the streets, cracking jokes about us “muzungus."

It was a beautiful day.  Thank you, God for rejuvenating me with a good night’s sleep.  Thank you for renewed excitement and joy.  Thank you for giving me the peace that I’ve needed so much.  Thank you for children.  Thank you for being the Ultimate Father.  We may have a father figure, or none at all, but nothing compares to the love that you give.  Thank you for being a father to the fatherless and a protector of widows.  I pray for these children that we were able to love on today.  Give them your fathering love.  Put these lonely children in homes.

Thank you for teaching me so much today.  Giving so much love to these children was so surprisingly fulfilling.  Singing and dancing with the children, praising you with passion, I am overwhelmed with your works.  Thank you for drawing me near to You through these children.  Thank you for your amazing ways of bringing glory to you through the simplest things in life; like loving a child.

P.S. I reallllyyyy tried uploading pictures... but it's wayy too slow... hopefully later:/

Here I go!

Well, this is it.  The final countdown.  In twelve hours, I will be on my way to the airport, ready to embark on the journey that will change my life forever.

I will be posting as often as possible during these next 3 months.  Hopefully around once or twice a week.  Please keep me in your prayers.

As I wrote in my thank-you-for-your-support letters,

Pray that my heart will be prepared for what I am about to experience.

Pray that I will be able to effectively share the love and mercy of our Heavenly Daddy with the children in the orphanages that I visit.

Pray that I will depend always on the Lord, and that my relationship with Him will grow in ways that I could have never imagined.

And ultimately, pray that God will use me to bring Him glory in everything that I do.<3

I covet your prayers.  Thank you for them so much!  God has been teaching me so much in this preparation process, I cannot even imagine the beautiful things He will reveal to me through these undoubtfully challenging next few months. 

I thank God for you all, and pray that He uses you greatly in these next 3 months; strengthening your passion for Him through the challenges that you each and every day.<3

Here I go! :D

Fears Fade in His Presence

"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." ~ Joshua 1:9 (ESV)

God gave me this verse tonight in my prayer time.  As I was praying for the strength to stand against homesickness, illnesses, culture shock, stress overload, and so many more emotions I fear that I'll face over these next few months, He reminded me that He will be there with me every step of the way.  He was with me before my move from my hometown; He has clearly been with me, working in my life in my new city and school; He will be with me as I stay and serve His people in Uganda.

God has strengthened my relationship with Him more than ever before over the last year.  He has proved to me the personal level of Jeremiah 29:11; that He has a plan for my life, He is all powerful and has ultimate control.  I may not understand the direction that He is leading me at first, but everything He does has a purpose leading to the beautiful revealing of His glory.

A few months ago, I was offered an internship to work at an orphanage in Uganda.  A few months extension to my two week trip, I was overjoyed at the thought of such an exciting, new adventure.  Despite the yearning to look more into this opportunity that had arisen, I was still ever-waiting on an answer from the education of my heart's calling, Moody Bible Institute.  At that time, I asked God to make things clear to me.  My entreaty was that if I was accepted into Moody, I could know for sure that that is where God wanted me during the next year(s) of my life.  However, if God had plans for me in Uganda for the following year, I prayed that He would deny my application to MBI.

God answered my prayer more clearly and breathtakingly than I could ever think up on my own.  While in class on an average school day, I received news that my mother had come to school, bringing the envelope that had come from Moody in the mail that morning.  Sitting on the hallway steps with my mother to my left and the envelope in my hands, I had no idea what to expect or how I'd react.  Opening the letter and skimming the page for the sentence that would reveal my future, I was dealt a decision that I didn't know existed.  I have been accepted into Moody's 1+3 Program; a relatively new system in which my first year of classes will be taken online, and the following three will be guaranteed at the Chicago campus.  While other applicants with this same, unexpected outcome, may have been at first a bit disappointed, I could only think of one thing, "I CAN DO BOTH!"

Clutching to my mother with my weak knees and tears streaming down my face, my joyful heart kept repeating that one, beautiful thing, "I can do both!"

Two crazy, busy months later, I am about to embark on a mission trip that will most definitely change me forever.  I pray that God will teach me more that I ever thought possible.  I pray that He will strengthen me as a person, give me faith like no other, and make me into a person so full of Him that I radiate Him all about me.  I pray that this time serving in an orphanage will teach me so much about life, and make me into a woman of God that will someday make a wonderful, Godly wife and mother.

I am now a high school graduate.  Magna Cum Laude with a proud 3.93 GPA.  I have my life ahead of me and no understanding of where I'm going, but I know that God knows His plan.  "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"  I know that He is with me wherever I go, helping me to face a God-hating world, 3 months in a third world country, and doing it all without indoor plumbing.

I know that I cannot do this on my own... Thank God that I have Him to be always with me, wherever I go.  He is always there; I have nothing to fear.

Joshua 1:9

Thank you Jesus.<3

Strength From the Storm

"God does not use you greatly until he hurts you deeply." ~ A.W. Tozer

When I first wrote this quote on the inside cover of my Bible several years ago, I didn't fully understand it.  I hadn't experienced enough to really comprehend what it means...it now means more to me than ever before.

Taking the time to read this quote over and ruminate on it yesterday, I now see it in a new light.  A new season of life, a new understanding of God's love and plans.

God has hurt me over the past year.  He has ripped me out of my comfort zone, away from my friends, family, and the place I once called home.  I wouldn't have chosen to take this path, but now seeing the outcome, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I once heard someone say that life can only be understood backwards; even though it must be lived forwards.  In review of the course my life has taken, I can see how God's mighty hand has been there every step of the way, even though I couldn't see it the first time around.

At the start of 2010, my dad lost his job.  Finding a job two hours north from my cherished hometown, my family started making our plans to travel to the land of the unknown.  Although I knew in the back of my mind that God must be in control of this huge change, I must admit, my faith in my own talk was weak.  I was leaving my friends and family, to spend my senior year of high school in an all new environment...not exactly a time in which a teenage girl wants to think of this being a good thing...

We moved north in June and I began school in September...which is when it really hit me that I really wasn't going back.  My first few weeks at my new school were not my favorite.  After 3 days in, I had had it.  I came home from school that day weeping, begging my mother to let me be home schooled. "Just for one year?!" I begged her.  My father gave me advice that night that I'll never forget.  At my lowest, he told me to not let anyone rob me of my joy.  "Where does your joy come from?" he asked, "GOD.  Something that comes from the Almighty God cannot be taken away from you by other people."  I wrote this in my journal for safe keeping, and continued to school the next day with a little less darkness clouding my view.

Soon, I began finding opportunities to talk about God in school.  I found great strength in these conversations with friends, as my faith was challenged and I grew to be bolder in my walk with the Lord.  I became confident talking about God with anyone and everyone, and somehow, by God alone, I was still accepted, despite my differences from others.

Two months into school, I was given the opportunity to do something I had never done before.  After becoming friends with a girl whom God had been working in through others, I was able to pray with her for her salvation.  She accepted the Lord into her heart on that day.  I am so grateful to be used in God's amazing plan.

As the year has gone on, the clouds have cleared from my sky.  Like after good thunderstorm, the bright blue sky that follows seems brighter and more cheerful than ever before.  The sun comes out, and plant life grows in leaps and bounds.  I look back on the year and see how much God has been leading me all along.  Even at my lowest, He was there, with His amazing plan.  From this storm has come a brighter day.  God has used this move to help me grow in leaps and bounds; to strengthen my faith and to bring Him glory.  Throughout the course of this year, I have had an abundance of opportunities to share God's love with others.  He has given me a new strength, to tell of His love and mercy in ways I had never known.  I now see how completely foolish it is to live my life for selfish ambitions vs. God-glorifying missions.

With this new understanding of God's omnipotence, I am currently okay with the mysterious direction my life is headed in.  Right now, I still have yet to hear from Moody, and don't know what God's plan is.  But thankfully, He has a plan.  Even if I have no idea what would be the best route for this next stage of my life, He does know and He has it all under control.  I give my future over to Him, and commit to go wherever He wants me, wherever I can be used most for His glory. 

So no, if you ask me, I don't know where my future is headed.  I am almost graduated from high school, and I may not be accepted to the only school I've seriously applied to.  I want to be a missionary, living my life out passionately for my God.  Oh and yes, I know that you may not think I'll last long without starving or getting infected with some strange African disease, but I know that I have a relationship with God that goes beyond all else.  He will provide the rest.  I desire to bring Him glory.  I commit myself to His plan.  Because of what He did on the Cross; Because of His unending, merciful love for me; This is what keeps me going.  This is what gives me an unexplainable peace about the mysterious future that lies ahead.

"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." ~ Psalm 91:2

The Big 18!

Well, I'm officially, legally an adult now.  The big 18!  So far it's not as bad as I thought :)

In celebration of life, I thought it'd be good to reflect on all God has done in my life.  Here is my testimony in a nutshell :)

Growing up in a Christian home, I learned about the Lord at a very young age.  When I was five years old, I asked my parents if I could become a Christian.  Praying with them that summer day, I gave my life over to Christ.  Though I don’t remember much about this life-changing event, I do remember that I knew I was a sinner, believed that He died on the cross for my sins, and that if I accepted His gift of forgiveness, I would go to heaven when I die.

In the years following, the Holy Spirit has confirmed this change in my heart by placing in me a desire to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  At the age of nine I was baptized as a declaration of my faith.

Several years later, my youth group went to a weekend event called Acquire the Fire.  This was when I first discovered my interest in missions.  Never before had I considered going on a mission trip, but at that moment I felt God’s call on my life.  Right away, I started online applications and talked to my parents about trips, but nothing seemed to be working out.  Eventually, I realized why.  What makes me think I can go to the other side of the world to show God’s love, if I can’t bravely talk about Him in my daily life at school?  I began praying about my attitude towards others and asking for opportunities to speak to people about God.  I made my greatest effort to shine for God, leading in my school’s Christian club and taking any chance I could to talk about Him with others.

When I next came across a mission trip opportunity, I began to pray.  Soon, everything began to fall into place.  God provided the money and prayer support that I needed, as well as a sense of comfort and peace to my parents and myself in knowing that this was His will.  God changed my life on that mission trip to Guatemala.  I saw people from a new perspective and realized how hungry people are for satisfaction in life; satisfaction that only comes from knowing Him.  This was the beginning of my desire to go into full time Christian ministry.

When I look back on the years since my salvation, I see how my relationship with God has evolved.  Being saved as a child, I am so grateful that He has protected me from going through this time without Him.  I have found that starting each day reading God’s word empowers, encourages, and challenges me.  He has become a bigger part of my life, someone that I enjoy talking to daily in prayer.    It is amazing how my understanding of Him has developed.  I can’t wait to see what He has in store for my future and am excited to get my hands dirty in His work. <3

That's my King.  I wonder do you know Him?