Time

Time: the continuous passage of existence in which events pass from a state of potentiality in the future, through the present, to a state of finality in the past.
Finality.
Gone.

Time scares me.  One minute I'm in the backyard digging for earthworms under the swimming pool with my brothers and next thing I know it's 7 years later and I'm about to graduate high school.  Where did the time go?  I don't recall it coming, let alone leaving, so soon.

I've never been one for goodbyes.  Always a sobbing, pitiful child, I would cling to my parents with hugs and kisses galore before letting them go anywhere from my sight.
When my mother would pick me up from friends' houses, I would stow them away in the trunk, so that we wouldn't ever have to part.  My mother was always too wise for this, however; somehow always knowing what my plan was and stopping the stowaway.
When my dad would leave for work in the mornings, my brothers and I would watch him drive away until his car was out of sight, hating to see him go; hating to see anyone go, no matter the length of time gone.

I've never been one for goodbyes.
This year, my senior year of high school, is a year of goodbyes.
Truthfully, this frightens me.
Truthfully, a large part of me never wants to leave home; never wants to say goodbye.
I don't know how the time got here so soon.  One day I'm  in eighth grade looking at dream jobs for "the future", and the next...I'm about to live it.
"The future" wasn't really supposed to ever come.  It was as real as "Never Land" in Peter Pan.  But now it's here...and I'm expected to be ready for that.
I'm expected to be feeling a lot of things right now... things that I'm not.
For one, I'm supposed to be happy to leave; happy to get out of my "cage" of a house; happy to live on my own.  But I'm not.
Secondly, I'm supposed to be living my senior year to the fullest; going to every party and event with all the "greatest" people.  But I'm not.  Instead, I find myself wanting to spend more time with my parents; wanting to have more...time.
I know I will be leaving soon, off to college.  And I know that after that, only God knows.  But I do give my life over to Him.  Somehow, despite my hatred for goodbyes, I still have this passion to follow Him to the ends of the earth.  I know it won't be easy and will probably only get harder as the "goodbye" time approaches, but I am willing.  If God can use me most in some obsolete part of the world, then I will follow Him.

It comforts me to read Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Although sometimes I'm dying to see the road map of my life, no one could give directions like my God.  The journey may be difficult, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but He knows what He has planned for my life, and He promises that His route has the best outcome.

So I give over my time; my biggest worry right now.  Although I know of the "finality" of time, I pray that God will show me that time is a good thing; that through time He does amazing things in our lives; helps us grow to see Him and love Him in new ways.  I love Him so much.  But I know that he loves me more than I can comprehend.  So I end this in comfort that He is my Protector, my Road Map, and the Keeper and Creator of time.  As long as He's in control, I have hope for a prosperous future.