Heartsong

Well, it’s been a long time since my last blog post. Far too long. I apologize.

Leaving Uganda was one of the hardest parts of this entire last two months.  Our plane lifted off the Ugandan soil.  As the cabin cheered, faces full of excitement, silent tears streamed down my own.

All travel went more smoothly than I could have ever imagined.  God was so with me, providing me with likeminded people and just an amazing peace through the whole process.  Seeing my family was not an experience that I would have expected.  After so many of the hours that I had spent crying over missing my family while in Uganda, my reaction still surprises me now.  I love my family to no end, but I would far rather see them with me in Uganda, not here.

The things that I experienced in Uganda have changed me forever.  God opened my eyes and grew my heart for His people.  He gave the hardest experiences of my life, to bring me to the most intimate relationship with Him I have ever experienced.  His strength was made perfect in my weakness.  He gave me these orphans, His children, to share His never-ending, unconditional love with.  Life is so different now.

I came home and quickly got swept up in the fast-paced life of America.  As I started school and got a job, I found myself “too busy” to spend time with God; the same God that I had chased after so hungry-like while in Uganda.  What is happening to me?  Why is life so different?

I’ve yet to understand why it is that it’s so easy to make time to spend with God in Uganda, when here, I shrug it off so easily.  God, give me that passion to make time for You in the chaos of life.

As for Uganda, I will soon return.  I’ve always had a draw to missions work, but never before like this.  My first few days back in America were the hardest.  I didn’t want to be here and didn’t know why God had brought me back early.  I’m so thankful for a wonderful woman’s words of wisdom, “At least you now know that that’s where He’s calling you!  You might be home for now, but before this trip, you didn’t have this clarity!  Praise God for giving you direction!”  Thank you for helping me to see this; for helping me to recognize God’s glory in my skewed vantage point<3  And thank you, God, for that clarity!

I’m now in the early stages of planning for next summer’s adventure.  If it weren’t for school (and God’s amazing, sovereign plan) I would go back right now in a heartbeat.  I hear my kids yelling “AUNTIE LYDIA!!!” and see their great big brown eyes looking up at me with love.  I go back to the days of playing in the yard and going for walks; remember the excitement of band aids and ice cream; wish I could be there now to sing songs and give hugs.  But, God obviously has a reason for me being here now.  I’m not sure what it is yet, but I trust Him.  Some days go by when I’m so wrapped up in life that I don’t even notice; other days go by when I can’t close my eyes without seeing one of my boys faces looking up at me; those beautiful faces.  I miss them something terrible.  I will be back.

God, thank you for this direction and clarity.  I can see a new piece of the puzzle; PRAISE GOD!  Lord, teach me what I need to know to be the best woman of God that I can be.  Help me to slow down and see your beauty in the little things.  Give me your eyes here in America, as you did in Uganda.

As much as I’d like to ask for this painful homesickness to go away, I cannot.  Please God, let it stay.  Don’t let me forget for a moment all that you have done in my heart.  Remind me of what You’ve given me a glimpse of.  Remind me of your glory and your love.  Give me that mad-passion for You, God.  I LOVE YOU, LORD!  Use me for Your glory! <3


My loves<3

Oh yea... and did I mention I met Katie Davis? :)