Awe Factor

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139 - Simply beautiful.


Allow this video to put the size of God into better perspective.  Crazy to think how easy it is to live life as if I'm the main character.  Oh, silly me.

 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.

Ephesians 1:3-6


God, the maker of this unbelievably HUGE universe, loves me!!  He has all of this to manage, yet He still knows me far better than I know myself.

A love so intricate.

Praise the LORD!!!

It's About Time...

I spent some time this week at the school of my dreams—Moody Bible Institute.  By school of my dreams, I really do mean that I have dreams in which I finally begin my studies there.  Ten months of unappreciated, necessary patience:  applying, waiting, deferral, tweaking, waiting, finally an answer.  After 10 months, my answer was different than my expectations.  While I was hoping to get in, I figured that I would either get accepted or rejected.  I hadn’t even heard of Moody’s 1+3 Program.  That was the verdict.

The 1+3 Program is Moody’s solution to having too many students and not enough beds.  If I spend my first year taking online classes, then my following three years will be living at the Chicago campus.  I accepted their offer, and here I am.  Here I am, already halfway through my first year of college.

I have a friend who told me God’s hand is one of “righteous mischievousness.”  Isn’t it funny how God works in such unexpected ways?  He is mysterious—working in His own time in his own ways that we often don’t understand and don’t often appreciate in the present, but he is always just.  He always has a perfect plan and He always fulfills it just the way He intends to.  Always.

In the sameness of life in taking online classes, I had forgotten how strong my love for Moody Bible Institute is.  My three days there this week have brought me back, and now I can’t get it off my mind. From the classes to the chapel services to the people I encountered, God is so present.  It blows my mind how much a place can shine God’s glory.  God gave me people during my stay that inspire me, reigniting my passion to seek God.  The wisdom and passion for God that I encountered while at Moody makes me yearn for more—more reading my Bible, more praying fervent prayers of praise, more fellowship with believers that make me want more of God.  God is at work in me and at Moody Bible Institute.  I cannot wait to see what happens when He brings us together this fall.

Heartsong

Well, it’s been a long time since my last blog post. Far too long. I apologize.

Leaving Uganda was one of the hardest parts of this entire last two months.  Our plane lifted off the Ugandan soil.  As the cabin cheered, faces full of excitement, silent tears streamed down my own.

All travel went more smoothly than I could have ever imagined.  God was so with me, providing me with likeminded people and just an amazing peace through the whole process.  Seeing my family was not an experience that I would have expected.  After so many of the hours that I had spent crying over missing my family while in Uganda, my reaction still surprises me now.  I love my family to no end, but I would far rather see them with me in Uganda, not here.

The things that I experienced in Uganda have changed me forever.  God opened my eyes and grew my heart for His people.  He gave the hardest experiences of my life, to bring me to the most intimate relationship with Him I have ever experienced.  His strength was made perfect in my weakness.  He gave me these orphans, His children, to share His never-ending, unconditional love with.  Life is so different now.

I came home and quickly got swept up in the fast-paced life of America.  As I started school and got a job, I found myself “too busy” to spend time with God; the same God that I had chased after so hungry-like while in Uganda.  What is happening to me?  Why is life so different?

I’ve yet to understand why it is that it’s so easy to make time to spend with God in Uganda, when here, I shrug it off so easily.  God, give me that passion to make time for You in the chaos of life.

As for Uganda, I will soon return.  I’ve always had a draw to missions work, but never before like this.  My first few days back in America were the hardest.  I didn’t want to be here and didn’t know why God had brought me back early.  I’m so thankful for a wonderful woman’s words of wisdom, “At least you now know that that’s where He’s calling you!  You might be home for now, but before this trip, you didn’t have this clarity!  Praise God for giving you direction!”  Thank you for helping me to see this; for helping me to recognize God’s glory in my skewed vantage point<3  And thank you, God, for that clarity!

I’m now in the early stages of planning for next summer’s adventure.  If it weren’t for school (and God’s amazing, sovereign plan) I would go back right now in a heartbeat.  I hear my kids yelling “AUNTIE LYDIA!!!” and see their great big brown eyes looking up at me with love.  I go back to the days of playing in the yard and going for walks; remember the excitement of band aids and ice cream; wish I could be there now to sing songs and give hugs.  But, God obviously has a reason for me being here now.  I’m not sure what it is yet, but I trust Him.  Some days go by when I’m so wrapped up in life that I don’t even notice; other days go by when I can’t close my eyes without seeing one of my boys faces looking up at me; those beautiful faces.  I miss them something terrible.  I will be back.

God, thank you for this direction and clarity.  I can see a new piece of the puzzle; PRAISE GOD!  Lord, teach me what I need to know to be the best woman of God that I can be.  Help me to slow down and see your beauty in the little things.  Give me your eyes here in America, as you did in Uganda.

As much as I’d like to ask for this painful homesickness to go away, I cannot.  Please God, let it stay.  Don’t let me forget for a moment all that you have done in my heart.  Remind me of what You’ve given me a glimpse of.  Remind me of your glory and your love.  Give me that mad-passion for You, God.  I LOVE YOU, LORD!  Use me for Your glory! <3


My loves<3

Oh yea... and did I mention I met Katie Davis? :)

Nkwagala nyo!

Today is Tuesday.  I leave on Friday.  Only 2 more full days with the children that I've come to love so dearly.

I've come to love them all a lot more than I had ever expected.  Truthfully, 2 weeks ago, I saw most of these kids as just bickering troublemakers with snotty noses and wet diapers.  Now, God has definitely given me His heart for his children.  Lately, I've found myself jumping up to wipe off the snotty faces, or realizing when someone is about to wet themselves...helping them run to the bathroom to go "su-su" before it's too late.  The child that causes trouble just wants my attention, the one who barrels into me from across the room just wants some love.  They are all so beautiful; God's beautiful children.

Here at Amani I co-teach preschool with another volunteer.  I have come to love this so very much.  At nine o'clock am we ring the bell for preschool to start.  Our 9 students, and sometimes some extra toddlers that get swept up in the crowd, come running into the classroom with huge smiles and even more excitement.  We sing songs, read a Bible story, as well as a few other books, and then sit down for writing/coloring time.  We are currently on the letter L - like the "llllllla" in "Auntie Lydia".  Then we have snack time, and finally time to play games, write with chalk, or watch Veggie Tales on my laptop.

In the evenings, I have two hours of rotating activities.  Today is my "1 on 1".  I pick one child and spend two hours of special time with him. :) I'm thinking that tonight we might bake a cake:)

I am so in love here.  I have such mixed emotions.  I need to go home; school first.  And I do miss my family something terrible, but when there are so many kids here calling me "auntie"; so much love that needs to be shared, it pains me to think of leaving...

...I only have 2 more full days.

Thank you, God, for giving me a heart for what breaks yours.  Thank you for everything that you have taught me through this experience.  I feel in my heart that this is not the end.  Lord willing, I will come back.  And maybe, just maybe, one of these times coming back to the states, I'll be carrying a little one in my arms:)

Thank you so much for all of your prayers!  I will be needing them so much as I depart from my loved ones and make the long, tiresome journey home. 

Nkwagala nyo, nyo, nyo!<3

Coming home...

Okay. Well, here's the scoop. I haven't had internet for the last week and a half. As of last night, the internet has returned, but with how slow and unreliable it is, there is no possible way for me to expect to be able to do my online classes while here.  I have booked a flight back to America on August 19th. I've prayed and prayed about it, and this seems to be where the Lord is taking me. It's not what I expected, but I know that I have put it in His hands. He is leading me home for now. Thank you for all of your prayers! God is so good. He has been answering prayers and breaking me down to build me back up. He has taught me so much on this trip, and I still have another week of my time here! Please continue to keep me in your prayers! It is so encouraging to have so many people praying for me and giving me verses of encouragement! Please pray that I make the most of the rest of my time here. Pray that I never take a moment for granted and that I give every minute of it to the Lord. And finally, please pray for my travels back. This will be the farthest that I have ever flown alone, and I'm not looking forward to over 28 hours of flights:P Because of Jesus<3

Whatever you want, Lord

Whatever you want Lord, whatever you want.

I am a selfish, stubborn human being.  I am so sorry Lord for allowing my sinfulness to come in the way of my vision of following your will.  You, oh Lord, are my only hope.  When I begin to let worry and anxiety in, I begin to think that I need to take control.  My sin prevents me from seeing that you are still there; you are still waiting with arms wide open.

Thank you, God, for showing me how selfish I am this week.  My prayers have been bitter and afraid, showing my lacking of trust in You, God.

Thank you for the church.  Thank you for days when we, as Christians, can unite in one body, to hear what You have to say through Your people.  Today, I was reminded of your sovereignty.  I may think at times that you have left me alone in a strange land, but You are always there.  You are always in control.  Just as Jesus told Peter to go fishing and open the mouth of the first fish to find a coin, you not only know what is going to happen, but you make it happen.  You didn’t just know that the coin was going to be in that fish’s mouth, you put it there.

God, you didn’t just know that I was going to go to Uganda, you put me here.  I don’t know how long I’ll be here or how much struggling and learning I’ll do in that time, but I know that you are in control.  I may miss my family to no end, and I may not think that I can get internet signal to do my school work, but you are always in control.  You can and will provide for all of my needs.  From this point on, Lord, I put my trust in You and You alone.  I haven’t been doing that this week.  Instead, I’ve been worrying that things wouldn’t work out or that you won’t be here with me, using me.  I started to think that I must come home early; no matter if you have a plan for me here or not, I just can’t take it – please send me home.  But Lord, today You have brought me peace.  I don’t know at this point whether You’ll send me home early, or will bring back the internet (that has been gone for so many days now), so that I can do my school work when my online classes begin later this month.  But God, I put it in Your hands.  Either one will be difficult, but whatever the direction, I will know that I have lifted it up to You, and you have given me the answer that comes.

God, I love you so much.  I am sorry that I am so weak and sinful.  I thank you for the work that you have been doing in my life.  I thought that I would just come to tell people about You, but instead, You have worked in my life, changing me in so many ways.  Continue to teach me new things every day.  Continue to stretch me; in order to teach me more about You, and to make me more like You.  With every struggle that turns me to You, I grow in my strength and relationship with You.

God, I trust You.  I cannot do this on my own.  I don’t know Your plan, but I trust that no matter what, You will ultimately use me for Your glory.

I love you, Lord Jesus.

Whatever you want. <3

Updates From Your Muzungu :)

Hello from Uganda!

Sorry it’s been a while since my last blog post!  I haven’t had the best internet access these past few days.  Here’s a brief update! :)

On Thursday, we visited Amani Baby Cottage; my home for the next 2.5 months.  Seeing as I had no idea what to expect, I was quite encouraged.  Amani has approximately 60 kids, almost all 4 years and under.  Most of their parents have either died or have abandoned them.  Amani takes them in no matter their condition. 

It is run by an American woman, and because of that, it has American conveniences such as a toilet and internet. (THANK YOU GOD!) ;) I was comforted by the fact that while it is both clean and the “aunties” really love and know the children, I am still a much needed help.

I met another volunteer that will be there the entirety of my time, and made arrangements for me to have a ride to Amani on Tuesday.  Please keep me in your prayers; that this transition goes smoothly and that I don’t get too homesick when all of my teammates go home to their families tomorrow.<3

On Friday, my team went into the villages of the Karamajong people.  The Karamajongs are in poverty beyond belief.  Fathers and many mothers have died from HIV/AIDS.  The mothers that are around take in the children of their friends and family that have also died.  These widows and their multitudes of children live in small huts (many 5’x5’) made of sticks and mud.  Most of the children have no shoes, and the mud that they walk in looks and smells of poop.  We spent a few hours with these people, some talked with the women and others with the kids.  It was a very difficult and exhausting experience.

Saturday, we had the opportunity to visit Katie Davis’ Amazima Ministries.  We saw and took part in the feeding program that I had read so much about on Katie’s blog.  When we first got there, I was disappointed to hear that Katie wouldn’t be able to make it today.  She was what got me started on Uganda; God had used her story to inspire me and bring me here, to this beautiful, poor country.  God, I know that she isn’t why you brought me here.  She very well may have just been the tool that you needed to get me here.  Please help me to not be discouraged that I cannot meet her today.

Three hours later, a bus arrives with none other than Katie Davis in the driver’s seat!  I got to meet her and talk to her about my next few months at Amani.  I was worried at first because my camera battery had died and I wouldn’t get a chance to get a picture with her, but she told me that because I’ll be at Amani, we’ll probably see each other quite often around town.  Thank you, GOD!  I don’t know what you have planned or why you do things the way you do, but thank you for giving me the chance to meet her. 

Sunday we had church.  Church here is such a different experience than in America.  Worship is has so much passion, and if the pastor feels like preaching a little while longer…there goes another hour of the day. Haha, but it was wonderful.

We spent the rest of the day hanging out with our friends at Canaan Children’s Home.  Having stayed at Canaan’s all week, I’ve grown really close to a few kids.  Please keep them in your prayers.  One of my 11 year old little friends is having a hard time with the fact that I’m going to be leaving there tomorrow.  I don’t know his whole story, but he obviously is not used to feeling so much love.  My heart breaks for my new little brother.<3

Tomorrow at 10:00 Ugandan time, I get picked up for my next 2.5 months at Amani Baby Cottage.  Please keep me in your prayers.  Pray that God would give me the energy to give these kids the attention and love that they need.  Pray that God gives me an unquenchable thirst for Him, and with it strengthens me to do all that He has planned.  Pray that God will give me the words and verses to say to whomever I come in contact with; only He knows what people need to hear.  And finally, pray for my transition away from my team this week.  Pray that I never feel homesick, overwhelmed, or discouraged.  I’m tired and miss my family, but I pray that God gives me the love and strength to push past myself in order to live for Him. <3